Nintendo Hard

This past couple of weeks, I've been playing old NES games. One of the biggest differences between old and new games is that old games are fucking HARD. It took me 40-50 strokes on hole 2 in Golf. I lost with a score of 6-7 in Baseball. That time, I cried, and reluctantly did the hand thing. Still don't really get the 6 7 meme. Anyway, in Contra, I die before I so much as get to the third stage with the fuckin... waterfalls. And if I'm not using the Konami code, much earlier than that. In Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels, I can't beat 1-2. Hell, in the original game, I can't beat World 8! In Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, I can't beat Mr. Sandman.

So why are these games so hard? From what I can tell, they still thought they were in the arcade days when games were intended to suck money and be addicting. Say, wait a minute... did we come full circle in that aspect? Instead of sucking quarters for more continues, now they're sucking dollars for the newest "HOLY FUCKAROO" skin!

Shit, getting off track. Hard games. I'm honestly surprised that when you Google "hard bosses", you don't get any results for many NES games. But you certainly see Mike Tyson on those lists. Though, it's not all just game design intending to be frustrating, there were technical limits. They didn't really have saves. The Legend of Zelda certainly has a save system, though. Not exactly sure how it works, but I think something goes onto the cartridge... some kind of ROM... thingy... I don't know.

Onto Baseball. It took me three games before I saw a win. That game is jank as hell. Have you ever seen an MLB game where you hit the ball, the batter goes running for first base, and the guy at first base just stands there like "oh what the fuck?! where the fuck am I?! I'm just gonna sit here like a fucking idiot!"? No? Well, you'll certainly see it in NES Baseball! So many times that you'll probably bite your controller. Like I did. It tasted like plastic. Now, take Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels. They have no fucking excuse. Those people just wanted to see you in pain. Even Nintendo of America thought they were trying to give children fucking brain aneurysms and released an entirely different game. Golf? I suck at Golf, no matter the platform, so that game gets an excuse.

Something else that astounds me is how badly kids today fuck up NES games. How do they lose to Glass fucking Joe? How many times does that first Goomba from 1-1 need to kill before his ass gets promoted to King Goomba? I saw one nearly grown woman call a Koopa a goddamn peacock! I'm literally their age and they're making ME feel old!

Can't think of anything else. I'm too angry at these damn Zoomers and how inept they are at NES games. Until next time, valued readers.

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